Monday, 20 September 2010

Break a Leg..................No Really!

Auditions for an xmas tour of Christmas Carol and Pride and Prejudice. So I'd like to take this opportunity to wish all the actors going for the roles that I want the very worst of luck. None of that 'may the best man win' or 'as long they've got the right guy for the role' bollocks! You're trying to lower my standard of living and furthermore I hate all that false bonhomie 'we're all in this together commardirie'.
It achieves nothing except making me want to die.

Tuesday, 7 September 2010

I've started so I probably won't finish.

Always do this. Have a few bevies and start writing. Last night I was a literary giant who was going to sweep aside all pretenders with the genius of my creation and then this morning I read it. Sober.That was my first mistake.
Badly scrawled biro ramblings revealing some frankly disturbing insights into my psyche and a central character that makes Andy Murray appear charasmatic by comparison do not an award winning west end production make.
Anyone got any ideas for a title? Its a sort of cross between Skins and Cannibal Holocaust.

Monday, 6 September 2010

The Rear End of a Cow.

Thats basically what I've been playing these past few months. A cow's arse. Finally finished the tour and all I've got to show for it is a bad back and an aversion panto quadrapeds! Now onwards to the Boro and signing on! Joy beyond all possible joys!

P.S. I may well experiment with alcoholisim. Cider probably It seems rather disegenious to poison yourself with anything as classy as Blossom Hill Chardonay.

Tuesday, 1 June 2010

I will never play the dane!

However a singing candlabra is a distinct possibility!
Audition wasn't successful but it seems the company have had trouble filling a few places or maybe someone dropped out. Who knows? After six months of unemployment its a relief to find any work so an oudoor kids production of Beauty and the Beast it is!

Tuesday, 23 March 2010


Had my audition on sat. Seemed to go quite well although my Shakespeare was paraphrased to buggery! Asked me to read for Shylock as well. "If you cut us do we not bleed?" You know the one.
Very straightforward and clear speech. Would like to play the part even though I've never seen a performance nor read the play.

News just in! Rachel Weisz is still 'Hawt' despite being 40 years of age!

Sunday, 14 March 2010

TWAT! A RE-IMAGINING (spelling? Is there supposed to be an e there somewhere? Honestly I dont know where my head is these days.)

So author Scot Lynch has been suffering from depression and panic attacks. Anyone who's had a panic attack knows there not exactly a bundle of laughs and yet there's still those who snipe and whine because they feel their entitled to have a writers latest work when they want it, not when its actually done and dusted. Seriously guys an gals, get a fucking life as theres far more important shit out there to occupy your time.
Hati anyone?

Thursday, 25 February 2010


Audition for march 20. So there's that......
Tomorrow, must get hair cut (am sick off the schoolkids throwing things at me, am I the local hippy or something?), by some books. Maybe Brothers Grossbart by Jessie Bulington,The White Queen by Philipa Gregory(is it out in pb yet?). There is a book about Sir William Marshall but I cant remember author or title. Which sucks just a bit.
Oh and Buffy comic.

Thursday, 11 February 2010

Never trust an American on a full moon in London!

Got an audition for a touring Shakespeare company on 20th march in Lincoln.
Chapterhouse Theatre Co. Worked for them a few times before but they still want me to audition. New director who's not worked with me before is the likeliest explanation.
Should really be moving on to bigger and better things I suppose but I do love performing at National Trust venues with their castles, monastries and stately homes. Kinda like a Busmans holiday.

Tuesday, 5 January 2010


Got an audition on the 14th at the British Film Institute for a student film called 'Midnight Picnic'. Probably a pretentious load of old toss but the pays good so what the hell. Makes a change from sodding schools theatre.

Sunday, 3 January 2010

The Necromonicom-As read by Tony Danza


Saturday, 2 January 2010

Bah! Humbug!

Finished my xmas tour of Christmas Carol! (see how I avoided aliteration there?) The most remarkable think was the weather(how very British) as five weeks of rain only ended when it started snowing. That was about the 17th of Jan. Its still snowing and its colder than a well diggers ass.
As for theatre tours in the future? Maybe a musical adaptation of 'Shogun Assasin'?